...3 weeks.
To think that in 3 weeks I will once again be rushing through the airport to make it on time for my flight literally just gave me a mini heart attack! If I remember correctly, it was September of 2012 when I traveled last to Guatemala. I originally had thought (and planned) to stay in the beautiful country for 3 months but after just a few days of being abroad, I KNEW it would simply not be enough. I quickly extended my stay from 3 months to 5 months and even then it seemed as though time had cheated me and gone by way too fast. I remember crying the whole week prior to my departure (yes, it was THAT serious for me) and completely dreading my flight back to Cali. Just thinking back to the moment when the van that was taking me back to the city from the pueblo started to finally drive off, makes my stomach in a knot. Tears started to stream down my face as I watched the pueblo become smaller and smaller behind us, and I promised myself and most importantly Jehovah that I would return. I had so many great and unforgettable experiences serving in the pueblo of San Jose Poaquil, more than I could have ever imagined nor prepared for working side by side with 4 special pioneers. I felt as though it was in San Jose Poaquil that I not only grew and matured as a person, but also that I "found" myself spiritually as a Christian. I found that I had given more to Jehovah in this rural territory than I ever been able to give back home. With all this new found love for Jehovah and his people, I left Guatemala and came home sometime in March 2013.
...Lets fast forward now to April 29th of 2014 aka TODAY.
Crazy to think it has been a little over a year since I came home! I must admit, I have been home a little longer than I expected --okay A LOT longer. It feels like forever! I had plans to be home a couple months and bam! Take off again! In reality I wanted to come back to Cali and apply for a dual citizenship with Guatemala so that I could settle down once and for all in my newly found home. I thought it would all be easy breezy simple and that I would be back in Guatemala before I knew it. WRONG!! Very wrong indeed. Life happened in this past year, a lot of life actually. For starters, I became very sick. I bounced from one doctor to another and from one medication to another. Treatments after treatments and nothing seemed to work. I soon had to stop working, as I could barely roll out of bed and dress myself, it had become too hard. I got all different kinds of diagnosis from "its just stress and exhaustion" to "it looks like leukemia" no two doctors would agree and none would make it go away. Although my friends and family were very supportive, I felt very alone. Only I knew what I felt, the pain I was in, and how scared I was.
With exception of a few close friends, I kept all the wrong and scary diagnosis to myself because I did not want to scare anyone if I didn't need to. Soon enough, I was starting to hear negative comments about my trip to Guatemala. A lot of friends started to discourage me and flat out make me think I was crazy for wanting to go back. "Sister, Jehovah loves what you have done, but look what you got in return..." "If you would have never gone in the first place, you would be healthy and in service right now." and many more "lovely" comments. I started to feel confused, was Jehovah permitting this so that I could get a hint? Or am I like Job just being discouraged by Satan himself? Will I ever go back now?...needless to say, I felt worse.
Just as I was about to hit rock bottom, Jehovah picked me up. Feeling alone and confused it was as if I was living proof of my favorite scriptures, Psalms 27:10 and Isiah 41:9,10. Jehovah kindly reminded me I was not alone by sending over the circuit overseer and an elder from my congregation. Since I had never met this brother, I thought to myself, "how can he help me if I cannot open up to a stranger? I can barely talk about any of this to my own parents!" To my surprise, this quiet brother had me pouring out my heart within ten minutes! I cried and told him exactly how I felt, physically and spiritually. He told me that life happens and sometimes our circumstances will be out of our control and very difficult. He also said he understood how I felt because he too had served in a foreign country and loved his assignment but it didn't last forever. Due to change in circumstances that were out of his control, he too along with his wife had to leave their assignment and go back home. I told him how I even felt guilty for not being able to give more to Jehovah like I had in Guatemala. Then he told me something that has helped till this day, "Sister, you have great and admirable spiritual goals. But do not forget that Jehovah knows where he wants you. You do not know, I do not know, but Jehovah does. Stop making plans and start doing prayer. You have to be like a leaf to Jehovah! A leaf does not go where it wants to go when it wants to, it goes where the wind takes it when it decides to take it there. Let Jehovah's holy spirit guide you." I was speechless. He was right, I can plan and plan all I want but if Jehovah does not want me there yet, then I don't want to be there either. After that visit he quickly put me in contact with his wife who helped me figure out what kind of questions to ask doctors, what tests to demand, and how to also look into alternative medicine. They took a special interest in me and started to help me recover through alternative medicine. The sister took care of me when I was feeling most weak physically and just flat out drained spiritually. Week after week I would go to their home and return to my home a little healthier and a little bit more like myself again. I'm happy to be healthy once again and to be able to call these brothers my close friends.
After my recovery, I met a very special person. Now don't get too excited now, this special person is not only one of my closest friends but also a BRAVE sister who will be traveling with me back to Guatemala! I mention this with so much enthusiasm because in my first trip to serve I had traveled alone. Prior to making plans I searched left and right for a "partner in crime" to take the plunge with me, but nobody was found. With much prayer I took the plunge myself but it was a lot scarier and a lot more lonely. I would often find myself wanting to share something that was new to me or exciting to someone who would understand my reaction as a foreigner but then I would remember I was the only foreigner around... After all the chaos of being back home and being sick was over, I realized that if I had not stuck around I would have never met this sister (who's name is Abby by the way...). Abby will be traveling out of the country for the very first time at the age of 20 to a country where she knows absolutely nobody except me (I told you she was brave!). We are heading back out to San Jose Poaquil where they speak a native Mayan language called Caqchikel. We will be serving in this pueblo for 5 months alongside 22 other members of the local congregation. Abby is literally leaving her job behind and trusting in Jehovah. I admire her for taking the plunge at such a young age and taking advantage of her permitting circumstances to serve Jehovah.
Its amazing how it all worked out so easily after I just let go of my plans, it's as if that was all that was needed. And after all, this year was not a complete loss. Jehovah has blessed me incredibly with unbelievably great friends near and far. I'm privileged to say the friendship I have with the circuit overseer and his wife is that of a granddaughter with loving and spiritually wise grandparents. We have promised to skype every Monday evening to keep in touch while I'm gone. I am grateful for my best friend Alicia who no matter what mood I am in, "gets me". She keeps me grounded and shares my joys and sorrows just like Jehovah describes a true friend in Proverbs 17:17. We go way back since middle school when we both weren't in the the truth but eh, that's a whole other blog post itself. And of course I am also grateful to Jehovah for providing me with a "partner in crime" this time around, the brave Abby herself. Patience is key with Jehovah and I would have never had the opportunity to bond with each of these special people if I hadn't been home. I can say now that I learned my lesson (I hope!) in this past year, Jehovah knows best. Jehovah knows where I should be and when. I must make the best out of any territory no matter how big or how small. And always trust him with all my heart that he will guide me to what is best me.
Time is flying on by and I have so much to do, so many phonecalls to make. My list of things to do keeps growing longer and longer. I am excited, yet nervous. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about stepping foot in San Jose Poaquil again. Even with all the random thoughts racing in my head I am still so happy to be able to serve where the need is great. At one point I litterally thought this would not be an option anymore but here I am now 3 weeks before I rush off to the airport, this time around with Abby! Conlusion of my ramble?.... After the lesson comes Jehovah's blessing :)
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